In my 14 year career as a professional dancer, I have performed many challenging and rewarding roles. I have had the privilege and joy of dancing and working with some of the greatest choreographers around today. I have traveled the world, performed in amazing places and loved every minute of it. I have had days where I worked so hard and so long that I literally had no strength to walk up my stairs to go to bed. I was not, however, prepared for the hardest role I would soon take on.... Mother.
Two years ago, I made the decision to put aside my career for a time and step into the world of Parenthood. This is not unheard of in the dancing community. Plenty of women in companies all over the world are both dancer and mother. In recent years, there seems to be a surge in pregnancies. Dance Magazine even did a featured spread on it. Companies are taking note and making it easier for women in the company to have both a professional and personal life. Allowing more recovery time after the birth, making sick time easier to get when the little one inevitably comes down with a cold, and even giving a bit of personal time to make those show and tell presentations. It is a hard choice. Our careers as dancers are so short. It is a hard decision to take the time off to have a baby. Pregnancy can be hard and coming back after all that time off and such a huge change in your body is challenging at best.
I had made the decision to take the plunge and when my husband and I saw those two lines, we were beyond excited. I performed until I was 5 months and continued taking class until I was 8 months at which time I could no longer even do port de bra forward due to the sudden bulge out front. Perhaps one of the best things I did was to keep dancing during the pregnancy. I felt good, and managed to stay in fairly decent shape. I warded off many of the common complaints and I believe it helped me recover faster after the birth.
I went back to work for a short time, but soon decided that I wanted to be home with my family. I was scared when I stopped. After all, dancing had been my life. It was who I was and what I identified myself with. The first month after I stopped I kept worrying what was to come next. I soon realized that while being a dancer was a huge part of who I was, it was not the only thing I was. This is such a scary thing for dancers to see. A lot of us think that unless we are completely submersed in it, eating, breathing, and sleeping ballet, we will never be any good. Truth is, some of the best dancers I have seen leave work at work. It has been my experience that in order to perform and give a full range of emotion, whether it is a full length story ballet or a contemporary piece with no storyline at all, you need to experience things outside the studio. Becoming a Mother helped me to see things in a new perspective. I realized that having a bad class or a hard time with a particular role was not the end of the world. This in turn, helped me to relax and let my body work things out on its own. I could push myself but not kill myself. Things actually came easier and I began to wish that someone would have explained this to me when I was younger. I have to talked to a lot of dancers who experienced this after giving birth.
Although I miss dancing, I never for a second regret my decision. I find it hard to watch performances, because that is the thing I miss most. I miss the physical aspect of it as well. Working and pushing your body to its limits was something that I always loved about my job. I am finding however, that a 2 year old can also push you physically to your limits!
This role as mother takes practice. There are days, just as when I was dancing, that everything seems to click and it is so easy and others where everything I do goes bad. There are no applause or standing ovations when I do something really great, and thankfully, there are no bad reviews when I don't. Although, a temper tantrum can rival a bad a Clive Barnes a review any day! I am loved unconditionally and can never be fired, two things even the best contract can't give you. I haven't decided whether or not I am finished with Ballet. I'm not sure whether I m just scared to admit that it is a finished chapter in my life and move on or if I still have something in me I have yet to give to the audience. This hopefully will be decided soon. One thing I am decided on is that this role of Mother is the best I have had and I hope to continue to grow and develop it for years to come.
